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 Forum index » Off-Topic Section » Off-Topic Discussion
Tournament of Champions
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Waramp


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 7:51 pm    Post subject:  Tournament of Champions
Subject description: To further enhance the strength of the species.
 

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them breaks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

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DiPLOMAT

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PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 8:44 pm    Post subject:  

i was really laughing out loud at just the first couple sentences.. good show
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Waramp


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 10:29 pm    Post subject:  

i thought it was hilarious. i cant take credit though, i dont know who originally wrote it.
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Aqua


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 10:53 pm    Post subject:  

That is a great idea.
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Belarathon


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 10:54 pm    Post subject:  

ive done that with toothpicks lol.. minus the letter to the company
that story is super funny
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Dao Jones


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 10:58 pm    Post subject:  

Waramp wrote:
i thought it was hilarious. i cant take credit though, i dont know who originally wrote it.

You should have taken credit.

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Jerkazoid


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 11:10 pm    Post subject: Re: Tournament of Champions
Subject description: To further enhance the strength of the species.
 

Waramp wrote:
the brown and red M&Ms are tougher

so its true! .... just like the encyclopedia said.

hilarious, i demand more crazy stories

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Torrent


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 12, 2008 3:25 am    Post subject:  

Dao Jones wrote:
Waramp wrote:
i thought it was hilarious. i cant take credit though, i dont know who originally wrote it.

You should have taken credit.


Google would've had him known as a harlot.

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Kinfer

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 7:39 pm    Post subject:  

Can you do that with skittles?!? o.O
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Waramp


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 1:36 am    Post subject:  

skittles squish, they dont crumble. but im sure you could see which one cracks first.
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Waramp


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 30, 2008 3:05 pm    Post subject:  

bump?
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Wank


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 30, 2008 3:11 pm    Post subject:  

Could the Red ones dominating the Blue ones have to do with what the colors symbolize? Red is typically war/anger, and blue is depressed/calm. I read a study awhile ago that said teams that have red in their colors have a better chance of winning than those with blue in their colors. Coincidence? I think not.
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Waramp


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 30, 2008 3:13 pm    Post subject:  

well i know with smarties, the blue ones are the only ones coloured with synthetic dies and all the other colours are natural. could be true for M&Ms too. also, in canada the blue smarties symbolize quebec (no joke). they are white instead of blue in the UK. could also have something to do with it.
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Wank


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 30, 2008 3:19 pm    Post subject:  

Maybe when you see the colors and squeeze, you subconsciously rig it so the red ones win? Intriguing
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lld_newb


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 30, 2008 3:44 pm    Post subject:  

yeah man, i love watermelon
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