LLD101

Sad · Joined: 15 Apr 2005 Posts: 756 0.00 Silvarrr

A man came to work Monday morning with two black eyes. "Whoa," his co-worker said. "Where did you get those shiners?"
"My wife gave them to me," he replied.
"But I thought she was out of town this weekend," the co-worker said.
"So did I," the man replied.

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's licence. After filling out his paperwork he had to take an eye exam. The clerk showed him a card with the letters
C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.
"Can you read this?" the clerk asked.
"Read it?" the Polish man replied. "He's my uncle!"

Three men were asked what they would want to be said about them at their funerals. The first one said, “I want someone to say I was a wonderful father.”
The second man said, “I want someone to say I was the greatest baseball player ever.”
The last man said, "I want someone to say, ‘He’s moving, he’s moving!’”

A woman walks into a bar and sits down, she notices a man sitting a couple seats down. She watches as he takes a shot, runs to the window, jumps out, flies around the building and then sits back down.
Astounded the woman asked how he did this.
He answered, "magic shot." She tells him to do it again to prove it.
He slams another shot and repeats his performance.
The man looks at her and says "go ahead give it a try." The woman orders a shot, slams it, runs and jumps out the window and falls to her death.
The bartender looks over at the man and says "You know Superman, you can be a real asshole when your drunk."

Squid · Posted: Thu Nov 08, 2007 4:09 pm Post subject:

Weaj · Posted: Fri Nov 09, 2007 7:23 pm Post subject:

AmishSpeedGoat · Posted: Sun Nov 11, 2007 9:04 am Post subject:

I laughed at weajs.

Weaj · Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 9:30 pm Post subject:

Just got emails of these jokes, They're about the upcoming CFL Grey Cup Game this sunday, so here they go.

At a grade school in Regina a teacher was talking with her students about football. She told the students that she was a Saskatchewan Roughriders fan. She then asked her students to raise their hands if they, too, were Riders fans. Everyone in the class raised their hand, except Little Johnny.
The teacher looked at Little Johnny with surprise and said, 'Johnny, why didn't you raise your hand?' 'Because I'm not a Riders fan,' he replied. The teacher, shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Saskatchewan Roughriders fan, then who are you a fan of? 'I'm a Winnipeg Blue Bombers fan, and proud of it,' Little Johnny replied. 'The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Little Johnny, why are you a Bombers fan?' 'Because my Mom is a Bombers fan and my Dad is a Bombers fan, so that makes me a Winnipeg Blue Bombers fan too!!' explained Little Johnny. 'Well,' said the teacher, in an obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Blue Bombers fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all the time. Why, what if your Mom was a moron and your Dad was a moron, what would you be then?' 'Then, Little Johnny smiled, 'We'd be Saskatchewan Roughrider fans.'

Once upon a time, there was a season when neither Sask. nor Winnipeg made a post-season play off game. It seemed so unusual that the teams figured there should be some sort of competition anyway. So they got together and decided on a week-long ice-fishing competition. On the first day, the Bombers caught 100 fish and Riders caught none. On the second day, Bombers had caught 200 fish and Riders still had zero. The Sask coach, suspecting cheating, dressed one of his players in blue and gold and sent him to the Bombers camp to act as a spy. At the end of the day, the player came back to the report. "Are they cheating?" asked the coach. "They sure are," the player said. "They're cutting holes in the ice!"

skulls · Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 9:38 pm Post subject:

What do Aussies call a boomerang that wont return?a stick

Goky · Joined: 18 Feb 2006 Posts: 1425 1.68 Silvarrr

What kind of teeth can you get for a dollar?

Buck teeth.

Where do the Swedish keep their armies?

In their sleevies.

DiPLOMAT · Joined: 11 Oct 2005 Posts: 1644 12.37 Silvarrr

so there was this little fat boy sitting on a park bench eating loads of candy.. a young man walks by and see's this pile of candy wrappers and the fat little boy and says "little boy! little boy! you cant eat all this candy, its bad for you!" the little boy replies... "my grandpa lived to be 103 years old.." the man replies "and he ate all this candy like you?" the little boy replied "no.. but he minded his own fuckin business.."

lld_newb · Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 3:08 pm Post subject:

skulls · Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 3:42 pm Post subject:

the "REAL REASON" the Scotts wear kilts is:

sheep can hear a zipper a mile away

skulls · Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 3:54 pm Post subject:

Two aggies walked by a priest on crutches..One asked..father what happened to you? The priest said "I slipped in the bathtub and broke my leg"..After walking further the other aggie asked "what is a bathtub?..And the first aggie said "how should I know, I'm not a catholic".

dragonfire_god · Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 4:13 pm Post subject:

To complete the final test to become a priest the bishop stripped and lined all the priests-to-be up in a row and hung a bell on each of their penises and then had the most beautiful woman he could find dance naked in front of them, in order to pass this test you could not let the bell ring, as the woman danced down the line none of the bells rang until she reached the last man in the row, when she got to him his bell rang and fell off of his penis. Embarrassed the man bent over to pick up the fallen bell....thats when all the other bells started ringing.

Torrent · Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 4:14 pm Post subject:

That's just a little esoteric.

lld_newb · Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 5:10 pm Post subject:

use big words much? square

DiPLOMAT · Joined: 11 Oct 2005 Posts: 1644 12.37 Silvarrr

lmao at the word square... i used to call people that.. square and rhombus were the verbal weapons of choice... +2 for the newb