LLD101

Knifer · Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 12:03 am Post subject:

A termite walks into a bar and says "is the bar tender here?"

what happened when the pregnant cat ate a ball of yarn?
out came mittens

what do you call cheese thats not yours?
nacho cheese

where do you find a dog with no legs?
right where you left him

what do you call a cow with no legs?
ground beef

what do you call a sleeping bull?
a bulldozer

Mr_Bilson · Joined: 25 Dec 2005 Posts: 257 0.00 Silvarrr

Knifer · Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 2:55 am Post subject:

just remembered these

A termite walks into a bar and says "is the bar tender here?"

whats the difference between pea soup and roast beef
anyone can roast beef

zarc · Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 5:40 am Post subject:

some band humor...
q:what do you throw a drowning bassist?
a:his amp

q:what do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?
a:bob

q:why cant Helen Keller drive?
a: because she is a woman

dragonfire_god · Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 6:17 am Post subject:

I am too lazy to read this thread, hence why I didn't know that joke had already been said..

How did helen kellers parents punish her?

They put saran wrap on the toilet.

Dao Jones · Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 6:21 am Post subject:

DiPLOMAT · Joined: 11 Oct 2005 Posts: 1644 12.37 Silvarrr

So "subject A" goes to the doctor and finds out he needs a brain transplant or he will die.. so his doctor and him begin looking at brains... and "subject A" notices different prices.. one substantially lower than the other... he questions the doctor about the prices and asked if there was a difference.. the doctor replies... "Well, no.. medically they will both produce the same results"... baffled "subject A" asks.. "Well why is that one cheaper than the other?" the doctor replied.. "well one of them is a male brain the other is a female brain, the male brain is cheaper, becuase it is used"

dragonfire_god · Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 2:29 pm Post subject:

My gf is SOOOO hearing that joke..

This guy bursts into his house and shouts, "Pack your bags, Honey, I just won the lottery!"

She says, "That's wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?"

He replies, "I don't care-just get the hell out!"

Weaj · Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 5:59 pm Post subject:

I rear-ended another car this morning.

I tell you, I knew right then and there that it was going to be a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and wouldn't you know it!

He was a DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said "I am NOT Happy!"

So I said, "Well, then, which one ARE you?"

That's how the fight started.

:-]

Mimes · Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 6:26 pm Post subject:

luminaire-x · Posted: Thu Nov 01, 2007 11:21 am Post subject:

here are my favorite jokes.. confucius..

Confucuius say, "It take many nails to make crib but one screw to fill it"

Confucius say, "Man who goes to bed with itchy ass wakes up with sticky fingers"

Confucius say, "Seven day honey moon makes hole weak"

Confucius say, "Man who puts bait on hook, is masterbaiter"

Confucius say, "Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and your gone"

Confucius say, "Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok"

Confucius say, "Base ball is wrong-man with four balls cannot walk

those are the ones i know of, ppl who get them usually laaugh at them

Knifer · Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2007 6:07 pm Post subject:

A termite walks into a bar and says "is the bar tender here?"

two muffins are chillin in the oven when one says to the other, "its getting hot in here". the other one turns, looks at the other and says, "HOLY CRAP A TALKING MUFFIN"

DSotM · Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2007 7:19 pm Post subject:

Knifer, you've said that joke plenty of times. =D

Shieron · Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2007 9:03 pm Post subject:

A young journalism student at the University of Tennessee was assigned to write a human interest story, so he went up into the mountains where he found an old farmer sitting on his porch. He introduced himself, explained his mission, and asked, "Has anything ever happened here that made you really happy?"

The farmer thought for a moment, then said, "Yeah, one time my neighbor's daughter, a fine looking gal, got lost. We formed a posse and went to look for her, and when we found her, we all took turns to screw her."

"I can't print that!" the young man exclaimed. "Can't you think of anything else that happened, which made you happy?"

The farmer thought for a while longer, then smiled. "Yep! One time a neighbor's sheep got lost. We formed a posse to look for it, and when we found it, we all took turns to screw it."

Again, the young man said "I can't print that, either! Let's try another approach. Has anything ever happened around here that made you really sad?"

The old farmer dropped his head in shame. After a couple of seconds he looked up timidly at the young man and said, "This one time, I got lost..."

I don't think anyone posted this one yet, so here's another one:

A termite walks into a bar and says "is the bar tender here?"

Goky · Joined: 18 Feb 2006 Posts: 1425 1.68 Silvarrr

What did the fish say to the other fish when it ran into a concrete wall?

"Dam!"