LLD101

Mr_Bilson · Joined: 25 Dec 2005 Posts: 257 0.00 Silvarrr

whats brown on the outside green on the inside and goes up and down up and down?
Answer:
->a kiwifruit in an elevator<-

Cool

ThatGuy · Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 6:05 am Post subject:

2 pretzels were walking down the street. One was assaulted.

2 beers were walking down the street. One was mugged.

What's chrome, red, and can't turn corners?
A baby with a javelin in its head

Torrent · Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 6:09 am Post subject:

DEAD BABY JOKES

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume.

What's the difference between a baby and a onion?
No one cries when you chop up the baby.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon?
One's fun to hit with a sledge hammer, the other's a watermelon.

What's the difference between a baby and a mars bar?
About 500 calories.

Why do you put babies into blenders feet first?
So you can see the expression on their faces.

Why did the baby cross the road?
It was stapled to the chicken.

How many babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
It depends on how hard you squeeze them.

How do you save a drowning baby?
Harpoon it.

What's red and white and spins in circles?
A dead baby in a blender.
What's green and white and spins in circles?
The same baby three weeks later.
How do you get the dead baby out of the blender?
Doritos.

How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off its head.

Dao Jones · Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 9:19 am Post subject:

Wow. We went to dead baby jokes in two pages. You're a classy bunch.

Mimes · Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 11:55 am Post subject:

i know this girl who knows like 200 + dead baby jokes... its really awkward and everyone makes sure not to bring up anything about babies when shes near.

This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along.
The guy asks, ''What are you carrying?''
''Melons,'' the blonde replies.
''Cool," the guy says. "If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?''
The blonde giggles and says, ''If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them.'

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest, but they didn't like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, and they came across a golden frog. They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn't often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes, so he told them that they could have three wishes each.
Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head.
Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine.
Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world. The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish.
Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, “I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!” and rode off as fast as he could.

A teacher was having a tasting day where she would put candy in the kids' mouth and they would guess what it was. She went to the first little boy and put a Hershey's Kiss in his mouth.

"Can you guess what it is?"

"I don't know," said the boy.

"I'll give you a hint. It's something your daddy asks your mommy for every morning."

The girl next to the boy says "Don't eat it. It's a piece of ass."

Knifer · Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 12:24 pm Post subject:

Dao Jones · Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 12:43 pm Post subject:

I think this is a repost, but oh well: What does Michael Jackson like best about twenty-eight year olds?

That's there's 20 of them. (Might have to say that one out loud to get it.)

FudGe · Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 12:55 pm Post subject:

dragonfire_god · Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 12:58 pm Post subject:

What has 20 testicle's and only 3 pubic hairs?

A michael jackson sleep over.

Whats blue and knocks on the glass?

A baby in a fish tank.

Whats glowing and can't scream?

A baby with its finger in a light socket.

How do you make a pussy talk?

Put a tongue in it.

What do you call a man with no arm and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?

Rustle.

luminaire-x · Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 1:14 pm Post subject:

LOL nice jokes keep em coming

Weaj · Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 3:41 pm Post subject:

What do you get when you cross a cat with a rabbit?

A Cabbit!

What do you get when Batman and Robin get run oevr by a steamroller?

Flatman and Ribbon!

A bear saunders into a bar, the bartender just stares as the bear comes up to the counter and just drops his paws on the counter. The bartender slowly asks, so... what can I get ya? The bear responds, I'll have a rum...

and a coke. The bartender then asks, why the long paws?

Wank · Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 4:07 pm Post subject:

So a horse walks into the bar, and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

dragonfire_god · Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 4:11 pm Post subject:

A termite walks into a bar and says "is the bar tender here?"

Mimes · Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 4:15 pm Post subject:

someone already said that on DFG Smile

i dont get that one :/

EDIT: Weaj was kind enough to explain to me that the pun is on the word "tender". ><

ThatGuy · Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 4:28 pm Post subject: