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Waramp
Joined: 02 Jun 2006 Posts: 4788
0.59 Silvarrr
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Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 7:51 pm Post subject:
Tournament of Champions Subject description: To further enhance the strength of the species. |
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Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them breaks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.
When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.
There can be only one.
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DiPLOMAT
Joined: 11 Oct 2005 Posts: 1644
12.37 Silvarrr
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Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 8:44 pm Post subject:
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i was really laughing out loud at just the first couple sentences.. good show
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Waramp
Joined: 02 Jun 2006 Posts: 4788
0.59 Silvarrr
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Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 10:29 pm Post subject:
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i thought it was hilarious. i cant take credit though, i dont know who originally wrote it.
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Aqua
Joined: 11 Nov 2005 Posts: 482 BNet Acct/Realm: UsWest[NL] aquabatsarecool, skankinthepit
3.14 Silvarrr
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Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 10:53 pm Post subject:
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That is a great idea.
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Belarathon
Joined: 24 Feb 2004 Posts: 4577 BNet Acct/Realm: east nl
0.00 Silvarrr
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Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 10:54 pm Post subject:
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ive done that with toothpicks lol.. minus the letter to the company
that story is super funny
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Dao Jones
Joined: 28 Nov 2004 Posts: 2959 BNet Acct/Realm: *Dao_Jones, Bi-Realmsual.
33.66 Silvarrr
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Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 10:58 pm Post subject:
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Waramp wrote: | i thought it was hilarious. i cant take credit though, i dont know who originally wrote it. |
You should have taken credit.
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Jerkazoid
Joined: 06 Feb 2004 Posts: 2902 BNet Acct/Realm: wscl
4.86 Silvarrr
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Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 11:10 pm Post subject:
Re: Tournament of Champions Subject description: To further enhance the strength of the species. |
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Waramp wrote: | the brown and red M&Ms are tougher |
so its true! .... just like the encyclopedia said.
hilarious, i demand more crazy stories
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Torrent
Joined: 05 Aug 2007 Posts: 1410 BNet Acct/Realm: Torrent@USEast
13.37 Silvarrr
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Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2008 3:25 am Post subject:
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Dao Jones wrote: | Waramp wrote: | i thought it was hilarious. i cant take credit though, i dont know who originally wrote it. |
You should have taken credit. |
Google would've had him known as a harlot.
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http://lld101.com/viewtopic.php?t=44473 (for my own reference)
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Kinfer
Joined: 05 Apr 2007 Posts: 114 BNet Acct/Realm: *Boozie/USWest/SCNL
9.93 Silvarrr
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Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 7:39 pm Post subject:
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Can you do that with skittles?!? o.O
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Waramp
Joined: 02 Jun 2006 Posts: 4788
0.59 Silvarrr
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Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 1:36 am Post subject:
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skittles squish, they dont crumble. but im sure you could see which one cracks first.
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Waramp
Joined: 02 Jun 2006 Posts: 4788
0.59 Silvarrr
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Posted: Sun Nov 30, 2008 3:05 pm Post subject:
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bump?
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Wank
Joined: 01 Nov 2005 Posts: 3329 BNet Acct/Realm: Imp StormsRaider
57.98 Silvarrr
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Posted: Sun Nov 30, 2008 3:11 pm Post subject:
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Could the Red ones dominating the Blue ones have to do with what the colors symbolize? Red is typically war/anger, and blue is depressed/calm. I read a study awhile ago that said teams that have red in their colors have a better chance of winning than those with blue in their colors. Coincidence? I think not.
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Waramp
Joined: 02 Jun 2006 Posts: 4788
0.59 Silvarrr
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Posted: Sun Nov 30, 2008 3:13 pm Post subject:
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well i know with smarties, the blue ones are the only ones coloured with synthetic dies and all the other colours are natural. could be true for M&Ms too. also, in canada the blue smarties symbolize quebec (no joke). they are white instead of blue in the UK. could also have something to do with it.
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Wank
Joined: 01 Nov 2005 Posts: 3329 BNet Acct/Realm: Imp StormsRaider
57.98 Silvarrr
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Posted: Sun Nov 30, 2008 3:19 pm Post subject:
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Maybe when you see the colors and squeeze, you subconsciously rig it so the red ones win? Intriguing
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http://img104.imagevenue.com/loc1100/th_30982_ImpAvatar_122_1100lo.jpg(didnt want to lose that link
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lld_newb
Joined: 19 Mar 2006 Posts: 2423 BNet Acct/Realm: Deserves a spam section.
70.13 Silvarrr
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Posted: Sun Nov 30, 2008 3:44 pm Post subject:
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yeah man, i love watermelon
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